Races Like a Girl

It’s been cold beyond description in NY lately, so I’ve been forced to do most of my runs inside on the treadmill. This means lots of hours in front of the tube in my tricked out workout crib.

When I get sick of Alpine Skiing on Universal Sporks (“Next up: the Women’s Super G Spot!”), I turn to “Law and Order SVU,” which, like me, always seems to be running a bad marathon. There are about 4,000 episodes, so this doesn’t surprise me. While I can’t drink and run (much as I’ve tried), I can make up drinking games while running. Here’s one I made up for Law and Order SVU.

Take one drink when:

• Mariska Hargitay says “Oh, my God.”
• Tamara Tunie (aside: that woman has the most beautiful skin) describes any victim as having “bled out.”
• Christopher Meloni roughs up a suspect.
• Ice-T calls someone “bro.”
• Police tech cracks into a network or comes up with a password in less than 10 seconds.
• Anyone mentions “Hudson University.”

Take two drinks when:

• Richard Belzer brings up a conspiracy theory. Three drinks it if involves the CIA.
• Mariska Hargitay opens up a mildly creepy “comfort the victim” session with, “Hi. I’m Olivia. What’s your name?”
• Any judge screams, “Get him/her out of my courtroom!”
• Christopher Meloni mentions his divorce or one of his kids.
• Mariska Hargitay “goes undercover.”
• Dan Florek says the brass is going to be “coming down hard” on him soon.

Finish the bottle when:

• Stephanie March screws up her case (this happens more often than you’d think).
• Someone attempts to murder one of the major members of the cast.
• Any detective leaves the Tri-State Area to investigate a case.

Have fun!

Filed under: drinking, everyday life |