But only because I’ve invested 45 minutes in watching The Girl Who Played With Fire and am bored out of my skull, yet not quite ready to go to bed. Hokay.
Age: 45, turning 46 next month. Oh my fucking god. How did I get here already?
Bed size: King, baby. We’re not big people, but we do like our space. Also, I tend to punch, kick and claw in my sleep.
Chore you hate the most: Cleaning the litter box.
Dogs: Grew up with them and loved them. But not ready for the responsibility or the strange, constant “ham smell.” You know what I’m talking about.
Essential start to your day: P.G. Tips tea, Frosted Mini Wheats and WeatherBug.
Favorite color: What are you, five? No. There are too many mindblowingly great colors out there to commit to just one.
Gold or silver: I will accept either one gladly.
Height: 5′ 5.5″
Instruments you play: If we use the term “play” loosely, then I will claim guitar and banjo. I have always wanted to play the drums. I will probably eventually buy an electric bass to supplement my bad electric guitar playing.
Job title: Freelance writer, content strategist, “journalist”
Kids: Let’s just say I’m glad my sister popped out a few so the pressure was off.
Live: I don’t understand this one.
Mom’s name: Sharon.
Nicknames: Real: Jules, Juliekins, Juki, Threlly. Fake: Cupcakes, Wowzy, The Brick
Overnight hospital stays: Adenoid removal at an early age; five years ago when one side of my face mysteriously exploded into full on Ted Kennedyosity.
Pet peeve: Drivers who do not use their turn signals. I experience several episodes of rage per week due to this problem. Also, telemarketers with autodialers who greet you with, “Hello? Hello?” Sometimes I like to fuck with them by saying, “Hello? Dad? Is that you?”
Quote from a movie: “This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.”
Righty or lefty: Righty, except when I eat.
Siblings: One. Sister. Older. She used to subject me to ritual humiliation. I used to beat the daylights out of her. I could also give her piggyback rides when I was in kindergarten and she was in the third grade. We get along really well now.
Time you wake up: Whenever the Zolpidem Tartrate wears off.
Vegetables you dislike: Okra. An abomination. It’s like snot encased in frog skin.
What makes you run late: I get in the car. I’ve forgotten my glasses. I go inside. I’ve forgotten where I left my glasses. Half the time they’re in the car.
X-Rays: Lots. Mostly for dental work.
Yummy food that you make: Everything I make is yummy.
Zoo animal favorite: The last time I went to a zoo was during a visit to an awful “animal park” called “Paws and Claws” in Florida in 1988. I ran out through the gift shop, with tears streaming down my face, as a result of seeing the sorry state of the animals in that place. I don’t go to zoos anymore.